Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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