never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
