I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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