This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Randomize
