Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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