i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
