dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
