Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I enjoy the company of your penis
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