If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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