i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
