U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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