I am in a vortex of obligation.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize