i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
