doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
