Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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