Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
