Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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