Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
