i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
