I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
