The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
