So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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