i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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