i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
