her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
