Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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