omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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