I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
