Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots