The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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