Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
