Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea