Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.