So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
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I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
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I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.