that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
operation harelip BJ is a go
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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