hotel room ftw
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE