The maid of honor just puked.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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