so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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