You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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