On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
