You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.