i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
In America we eat man semen.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
