why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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