Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
