I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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