She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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