I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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