in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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