the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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