Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
