If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
