Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
