guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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