she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
