dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
