life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
