dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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