Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
