I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
