I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
