Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
