yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
