remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
