To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
