What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
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I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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