I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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