we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
