Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
