batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Success! We fucked roommates!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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