how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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