why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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