just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
