I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
