In the future we'll all be gay
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
