I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
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at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
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Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize