one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
