the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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