Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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