Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
