I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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