I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize