Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
