Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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