She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
