Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
