birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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