My hand turned me down
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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