You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
