its not stalking. its research.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
