i already hear my dad disowning me
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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