hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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