I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
