happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
