I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
