I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize