Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We named our party play list daddy issues
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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