Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
