Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
