I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
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