i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
