Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you inspire me to be a worse person
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
