Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
