K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
