it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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