Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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