well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
